When I was pregnant with Sophia I swore to myself that I would not become a crazed control freak when it came time for labor and delivery…basically any character out of sitcom. I would not become a sitcom character…too easy. I knew I wanted a virginal delivery but I also knew that something, anything could go off course and I could end up at the other end of the delivery spectrum with a C-section. I think acknowledging the unknown and the lack of control I had over how my body and baby would do their thing helped me relax. I was slightly disappointed that I had to be induced but was glad to be done with pregnancy.
Now that I’m on round two of pregnancy and well versed in how things go down in the delivery room, you’d think I’d be all Zen and “whatever happens, happens.” Yeah…not so much. This time I’ve been obsessing over every little thing. The ultrasound tech made the mistake of telling me baby boy was in a breech position at the twenty week scan. You know when he was still so small and able perform a Cirque du Soleil routine inside my uterus. Since then I’ve been Googling how to coax baby into the correct presentation, info for external versions and their risks, and research articles on vaginally delivering babies. And of course I hound my OB at every appointment and am kindly reminded it is way too early to even consider it a concern. I’m also obsessing about getting the fuck out of the hospital as soon as possible. While I loved my labor and delivery nurses the postpartum nurses and “lactation consultants” were the worst healthcare providers I have ever interacted with. And being woken up every four hours when both the baby and I are sleeping and content is not fucking helpful or conducive to rest and/or recovery. By the time I was sprung from the hospital after delivering Sophia, I had been in the hospital for almost ninety-six hours and I was on the brink of a meltdown. That shit is not going to happen this time. I know we need the standard tests (hearing, PKU) and they can’t be done until twenty-four hours after birth but after we are out.
I also plan on avoiding an induction at all costs. This is my only chance to get to experience going into labor on my own and I fully intend to experience it. And I won’t be starved during labor either like I was last time. Twenty-four hours on zero food and then pushing out an eight pound human do not mix.
I think a lot of my need to have all of this go exactly according to plan has to do with the fact that this is my last pregnancy. This is it, now or never. I don’t want to look back and have major regrets. I don’t want to spend any part of my recovery or my son’s early life reconciling my desires with what actually happened.
Could I end up with a C-section? Yes. Could I end up needing an induction due to unforeseen circumstances or just failing to go into labor after forty-two weeks? Yes. Could I end up being stuck in a hospital bed for days because of surgery or a difficult recovery? Yes While I’m not “okay” with these scenarios I’ll know they had nothing to do with me and my lack of communicating my wishes. I know enough this time around of what I do and don’t want, what the medical staff is and isn’t capable of doing and I’m going to get what I want depending on the situation.
How do you know it’s your last?
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Jennifer Reply:
February 27th, 2013 at 9:44 am
Oh we know but that’s another post I’m sitting on.
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Damn, I don’t even remember knowing that you’re pregnant! I swear I can’t keep track of people.
It’s not “crazy” to want to be in the driver’s seat on this experience. The best way to ensure that you get your needs met is to hire a doula! Did you do that? I swear, every year they release another peer-reviewed research study concluding that doulas are worth their weight in gold. Doula, doula, doula.
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Jennifer Reply:
February 27th, 2013 at 9:44 am
I need a doula for AFTER the birth more than anything. I know it’s going to be a fight to be set “free” WITH the baby the next day.
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Pinned this story to our pregnancy board. Thanks for sharing
http://pinterest.com/pin/191191946653027268/
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Jennifer Reply:
February 27th, 2013 at 9:45 am
Thank you!
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If you can figure out how to make people stop waking you the hell up at the hospital let me know. I was so freaking miserable, we left as soon as we could.
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Rheanna Reply:
February 28th, 2013 at 7:13 pm
it got better with my second and third, especially my third. they knew I knew what I was doing, I was stronger and more vocal and they didn’t need to worry about me. I just plain asked for them to not bother us unless necessary.
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All of what you wrote about TOTALLY resonated with me. I wanted a natural birth without induction, I was scared of the baby being breach and I sure as hell didn’t want to be in the hospital any longer than necessary.
Turns out I gave birth naturally only 47 minutes after arriving at the hospital. We left 26 hours later
because everything went well and there weren’t any issues with me or baby (except a little meconium in the “water”) they let us go after the mandatory tests, but only because I PUSHED to get out of there. I effing hate all the interruptions!
Can’t wait to hear how things go for you! ::crossing my crossables::
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Jennifer Reply:
February 27th, 2013 at 9:42 am
Reading your experience with Avery and leaving 26 hours later is what convinced me that I should and WILL demand it barring any complications.
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I was in the hospital for 4 1/2 days after giving birth and it was horrible! My husband finally told them we were leaving, with the baby, if they liked it or not. They got on board once they saw how serious he was. I was also in tears cause I was in pain and needed someplace comfortable to recover!
I wanted an unmediated childbirth and ended up with a Csection. While I still struggle (7 months later) to fully accept it, it has helped that I know we did everything possible to have her naturally. I have come up with about a dozen thins I’d do differently…now I know for next time! It’s a delicate balance, holding on to what you want to happen and just going with the flow. I think just being prepared for any situation and knowing what you want to do will help1
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i hope this one goes smoothly and everything you ideally want to happen, happens! I think everyone deserves that. Its interesting because I get in this discussion a lot with friends. I was the first to have babies of my group, and then the first to go on to baby two and three. So I often get the I had this, hated it, so I want this scenario. And of course it depends on the hospital and the nurses and doctors, but I tell you, with each one it got progressively easier and more pleasant. I feel like they sort of treat you like you’re an idiot the first time around. There’s an element of truth to it, i get that, but we’re not stupid. The next time around they will know you’ve been there done that…you will be able to voice your thoughts and opinions more. each delivery for me has been faster and easier because your body knows what its doing. the nurses and doctors bugged me less often…and I prefer to stay in the hospital as long as I can, LOL…so silly I know. I feel like society and certain groups of people have made childbirth horrible for some people…this pressure to do things a certain way, the so-called “right way”. To the point where women are wracked with with guilt if it doesn’t go the way they envisioned or people told them too.
you cracked me up though with the whole breech thing. my friend had a c-section with her first because of positioning issues. She wanted minimal intervention and no meds. she ended up with a c-section. So practically since the moment she found out she was pregnant with her second she was doing all the positioning tricks. it was hilarious, but it made her feel better. so at least, know you’re not alone with that
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